I
hate this movie with a passion because I have never seen so many plot
holes and inconsistencies this big in so long, not since Prometheus. Is
this as bad as Prometheus? No. Prometheus is far worse but this is
awful. Let's start the problems with the fact that Tony Stark is the
most incompetent superhero in this movie, hell other characters are more
superheroes than he is. Throughout the entire movie Tony Stark gets
captured, beaten up, fails in fights, has anxiety attacks, and in
repetition to. Oh speaking of that the anxiety plot line is complete
bullcrap. Let me get this straight, Tony Stark went through the
explosion of a convoy, had to have an arc reactor surgically implanted
into his chest, get beaten up by a bigger Iron Man suit, nearly die from
poisoning, got beaten up by Whiplash/Crimson Dynamo and he came out
fine but sending a missile through a portal gave him anxiety? BULL!!!
Also this anxiety plot line completely disappears within the movie all
because some annoying brat kid told him to build something. Pssst!
Movie! Anxiety doesn't work that way, its a physical and mental
condition. Speaking of we come to one of my least favorite cliches the
annoying ten year old sidekick, now in recent years the kid actors have
gotten better with films like Looper, Real Steel, Man of Steel, etc but
in this movie the kid is along the lines of Jake Lloyd from Phantom
Menace annoying, thats all I really need to say about him because he
disappears in the movie as well. Lets talk about Tony Stark's idiocy in
this movie, he yells out his address on TV for the Mandarin to come out
and fight him and yet he is surprised that the Mandarin's men attack
him...HELLO?!? Anybody in there!? You moron! So during this attack we
get a really cool moment where to save Pepper Potts, Tony Stark makes
the Extremis Armor go onto Pepper thus protecting her, okay this is a
cool reference to her character in the comics when she has her own suit
and calls herself Rescue, she was a cool hero...but unfortunately she's
in the suit for 30 seconds. Also something I want to comment on is the
change of the Extremis Armor, it looks great and the way how it works is
very much improved from the dumb version of the comics. So during the
attack, Tony and the Extremis Armor escape and he goes to Tennessee in a
matter of hours and crash lands into the ground...I'm sure with that
metal suit, Tony's bones would be powder. Okay lets backtrack a bit, in
the beginning of the film, there is a flashback to the turn of the
century and we meet Aldrich Killian played by Guy "I'll be in any movie
for a Ham Sandwich" Pearce, (seriously Guy stop being in everything, and
stop picking the crappy movies) he plays probably the most stereotyped
nerd scientist who is a big fan of Stark and wants to make a work with
Stark so he says he'll wait for him on the roof but Stark never
shows...Gee I wonder if he will return as a villain later. Seriously,
how freaking predictable can you get? Next time we see him, he's in a
white business suit with long sleek blonde hair and has a
briefcase...VILLAIN!!! He shows that he is working on the Project
Extremis which fixes brain cells and heals you... again I wonder if this
will come up later in the villain's plan. Well guess what it does, the
serum Extremis (by the way, thats NOT what Extremis was in the comics it
was Tony's suit) turns people who are injected into people made of lava
and fire...yes you are reading this right. *facepalm* Basically you are
a living time bomb if you are injected, you either survive or you
don't, why do certain people survive being injected? Only the hacks who
came up with this can tell you because its never explained in the movie.
This dumb plot leads to one of the most unintentionally funny scenes in
history where when Guy Pearce injects himself with and breathes fire at
Rhodey. I was cracking up in my seat because one Guy Pearce made a
ridiculous face as he did it also the CGI looked awful. Also Guy Pearce
and Pepper started to like each other in the beginning but that plot
line goes absolutely no where...beginning to notice a theme about this
movie? Plot lines are introduced but disappear in this crappy movie.
Now...its time I talk about one of the main sins about this movie, the
one thing everybody talks about when they talk about Iron Man 3...the
twist. It turns out that the Mandarin played Ben Kingsley...is an actor.
The real villain Guy Pearce (What a shock!) hired him to be the symbol
and face of the Ten Rings to make him more threatening. So for all of
you who read the comics and loved seeing the battle of magic vs
technology theme take place with the Mandarin and his Ten Magic Rings
that can allow him to control anything, rise the Army of the Dead, and
bring down the Ancients from the heavens to fight Iron Man, you and I
were a bit PISSED OFF WHEN THEY REVEALED THIS!! GOD I HATE THIS SCENE,
YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE IRON MAN VILLAIN AND JAMMED A BROOM UP THE BUTT AND
TWISTED IT, THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU RAPED THIS CHARACTER'S AWESOMENESS!!
The whole point of the Mandarin was the theme of Magic VS Technology but
when you take that out of the picture it ruins the charm and intrigue
of the character but this is not the worst part of the Mandarin, the
actor is not even a villain he's just a dumb stoner who has sex with a
bunch of hot chicks ugh...and it gets worse. During the ending fight Guy
Pearce in all his very fake CGI glory yells out to Stark "I am the
Mandarin!" As soon as he said that I started hitting my forehead in
anger. So Guy Pearce's plan is to...take over the world? Okay this is a
problem that really baffled me, his evil plan is never explained, he
turns people into Fire People and he plans to kill the President and
then...what? Do you think witht he president dead you'll just waltz
right into the Oval Office and take command? Hey buddy guess what we
have a military, we have SHIELD, we have the Avengers. Oh yeah, where
the hell are those guys in this movie. Okay you can make the argument
that Thor doesn't want to meddle with human affairs or is busy with
Asgard, okay fair enough but what about Captain America who is hired to
be an anti-terrorist agent of SHIELD, the Mandarin counts as a terrorist
I think Cap'n would be on the Mandarin like Moth to flame. What about
Hulk? He would have been a good help but no Bruce Banner is only there
for a cameo after the credits...ugh. So the climax happens and I'll
admit seeing so many iconic suits coming in and out while Tony and War
Machine fight was really cool and the effects were really good except
for the CGI Guy Pearce but it is ruined by Tony Stark's incompetence
seeing how he gets beaten down yet again and the Extremis Armor gets
destroyed. Ugh what is this the 50th time Tony Stark has failed to
fight? The other times he failed because he wasn't even in the suit
fighting he was just remotely controlling the suit, then what is the
point of the ability to wear the suits if you can remotely control
them?!? Also the Iron Legion, were all under the Mansion ready for
deployment and Stark says he finished them months ago...W-WHAT!? This
raises a gigantic plot hole, why didn't Tony just bring out all the
suits when the Mandarin attacked his mansion?!? This movie could have
ended right there, it would have saved us two more hours of pain! So
Tony isn't the one to bring down the villain, its Pepper. See earlier,
Guy Pearce used leverage against Stark by injecting her with Extremis.
Did I mention this villain makes no freaking sense with his logic. You
know that Extremis gives your men super strength and healing abilities
and so you give Tony's love interest Extremis expecting...what? For her
to die? Well that I can understand only if you freaking explain why some
live and some don't! EXPLAIIIIIN!!!! So anyway the villain is defeated
by one of the only awesome scenes of this movie, Super Pepper comes out
and beats Guy Pearce to death and doing some awesome moves! Holy Crap
and Beans, why couldn't the movie be about her, she proves to be a
better hero than Iron Man. Also Iron Patriot is in the movie, if it
seems like I'm barely talking about him its because the movie does as
well. Basically instead of it being Norman Osborn in his own Iron Man
suit trying to be better than Stark (which would allow for a cool
crossover into the Amazing Spider-Man universe) instead its just War
Machine with a paint job...I'm not even going to go into that one. But
the movie's worst sins come next in the ending when Tony says that to
help himself sleep he needs to get rid of the suits so next we see some
of the most iconic suits from the comics get destroyed...*eye twitches*
next Tony gets his shrapnel removed *head twitches* and he throws his
New Element Reactor into the ocean..........[MARK.exe has stopped working.]
[Reboot] WHAAAT?!? So many questions rise here, why does Tony need to
destroy the suits? He built all those suits in the past and they didn't
affect him. Also why did he take out the shrapnel?!? Yes I know he did
in the comics but it completely contradicts a speech Tony said in the
Avengers about how the Element Reactor and the shrapnel are a part of
him now and he accepts it. So here he just gets rid of it. Why does he
throw the reactor into the ocean? He discovered a new element and he
just gets rid of it?!? BULL!!!!! Now the suits have nothing to run on
thus showing that Tony Stark will only be a cameo in the Avengers
2...ROT IN HELL SHANE BLACK!!! Ugh...this movie freaking sucks. Well
Marvel your Phase 2 is off to a bad start, you better hope Thor The Dark
World is good or your franchise is going down the toilet. I actually
consider the ending worse than the Mandarin twist.
Iron
Man Rises- I mean Iron Knight 3- I mean Iron Man 3 gets a Mud Rating
AKA it gets an F or a 1/10. It is a rushed film with a writer and
director who has no respect for the source material or fans. Jon Favreau
should've stayed on board as writer and director so that this movie
would have been good.
